Wednesday, 15 October 2008


It feels like things are beginning to fall back into place. Sort of. Like broken things, falling into crooked places. Not quite right for what's trying to fit in, but okay enough. Good enough for right now. (I'm back to feeling like writing just for the heck of it. Ordinarily there'd be something, anything.. the tiniest thing, and I'd happily go on and on about it... but there isn't even that.)

It's not often that I get to feel this. Like I'm some place where I'm actually not dying to get out of, not even a little bit. What is that? Couldn't be saying a whole lot of good things about the rest of my life, could it? I've spent the longest time cooped up in a hotel room since, like, two years back. And this finally feels right. :-<

I'm sort of stuck into listening to songs on repeat these days. It'll be one song for a half dozen times, or maybe a couple of hours. Then another. Right now it's Corinne Bailey Rae's Like a Star. And for some reason, the one thing I cannot get out of my head is her husband's death :(.

And that of course sets me thinking about all the people I knew who've died. There's an awful lot, actually. Not necessarily like people I knew too well and all. But still. I don't seem to remember that many people I personally know being born. As in, you know, you hear about people being born, but you never see them most of the time. At least I hardly ever do. They exist, so to speak, just outside my sphere of awareness. And of course, all the bunch of people I do know, well, I just don't think I know that many people I was aware of when they were born. But dead people? Loads :(. Nevermind.

I'm not trying to be depressing or anything here. It's just a thought. I'm not even particularly bothered or anything. There are just these flashes of conversations every now and then. Words that seem to hang in the air. That may or may not have actually been spoken at any point. But suddenly I'll be in the middle of a massive panic attack over them. It's quite inconvenient, really.

I've never actually walked out of the airport at Singapore. I've walked into it. Walked through it from end to end several times over, I reckon. Just never stepped out through the doors. Are there doors? I can't remember. Don't know whether to look forward to it or not. Wouldn't mind going to Singapore I suppose. But the boat's in the middle of a dry dock, which is usually a bit of a mess. After that though, we are supposed to be heading for Angola. Which is another mess. For a multitude of reasons that I'd rather not get into till I have to. But there's supposed to be a port call in Durban on the way.

Hmm. Much as I was given to groaning over how the Trident never left Australia, I think I'd gotten a bit used to the whole thing. Okay, so moving office is a completely different thing. Or not, whatever. Point is, I should really start packing, but I really really don't feel like it. :-< Bummer.

Currently: stalling
Listening to: Corinne Bailey Rae - Like a star


AV said...

landed here while blog jumping.. nice place u hav here... dude! u seem to be having a gr8 exciting life out thr! nice snaps btw..


kray said...

hi! thanks :)