Wednesday, 31 December 2008

Say hello, wave goodbye

At least it's been sort of fair, this is only the second New Year's Eve I've spent on board the vessel out of the last four. I suppose I do this now with more of a sense of deja vu than before. Which is not to say that this year has been anything like any other before :). As a matter of fact it has not. An ambivalence that quite neatly fits into the way I've felt about a lot of things over these past months.
Honestly? I don't even know where this year went! One thing that seems to permeate most of my memories of the year is a feeling of constantly moving (or maybe having to move would be a better way of putting it). And with that, leaving so many things behind when I wanted, maybe a closer look, or another word, a last walk, perhaps one more chance... And yes, as always, untold good-byes, or at best half-said ones. (If I were to believe in New Year's resolutions, that would be one!)

This has been a year of partings, come to think of it. Some that were obvious at the moment, others that became apparent a long time afterwards. It has also been a year of chance meetings, with old acquaintances. Sometimes old friends. And new faces that have left their mark.
Getting back to the moving, I guess to put it in perspective, I've actually managed to visit twelve different countries within the last twelve months :). Now the Americas are the only two inhabited continents I am yet to set foot on. If that sounds good, let me tell you, there are people I know, and obviously feel very jealous of, who've managed all 6 already! One day, I keep telling myself, one day :). But then there's the flip side of that.

The good thing, I suppose, is that in the midst of all that, I've somehow managed to find the time to travel more of my own accord than I have before. Of course it helped that there seemed to be company available. I don't know if I have mentioned this, but I absolutely cannot travel all on my own. When the travelling is not merely the act of getting from point A to point B, that is, as a matter of necessity.
But there's always been that sense of losing myself. Dissolving into the white noise, or background, or whatever you want to call it. I guess what I am looking for are defining moments. And everywhere I look, I come up short :-<. Maybe it's just the frame of mind I find myself in. More likely is the fact that I'm just not looking in the right directions... there's always that :)). And more often than not for good reason too...

I suppose it's easier while on the boat to suspend the present and look back. It's better that way anyway. No? Everyday I get a little more used to it, and find it scary. But a little less scarier than yesterday. Is that better or worse? I don't know. What I do know, is that it has been a good year, no matter what it feels like right now :). And I couldn't ask for more for the next. Even at as much, I might be pushing my luck :D.
Happy New Year! :)

Currently: seeking the refuge of silent memories
Listening to: Dixie Chicks - Easy silence

PS. I'm quite surprised at how many people I know who are sailing some ocean or other right at this moment!! But I guess I shouldn't be, not any more.

5 comments:

Anu said...

Like the pics, and the words more :)
Happy noo ear!
*hug*

Sriram P said...

Is that fella Gumdrop ??

kray said...

@ anu: happy noo ear to u too >>:D<<

@ sp: huh? happy new year anyway!

Sriram P said...

i have a stuffed Koala that says " G'day I am Gumdrop".. so wondering if it was his brother or cousin.. :D)

kray said...

:)) aah, like that. dunno actually, it was just a X-mas gift some guy got on-board this time.