Say hello, wave goodbye

At least it's been sort of fair, this is only the second New Year's Eve I've spent on board the vessel out of the last four. I suppose I do this now with more of a sense of deja vu than before. Which is not to say that this year has been anything like any other before :). As a matter of fact it has not. An ambivalence that quite neatly fits into the way I've felt about a lot of things over these past months.
Honestly? I don't even know where this year went! One thing that seems to permeate most of my memories of the year is a feeling of constantly moving (or maybe having to move would be a better way of putting it). And with that, leaving so many things behind when I wanted, maybe a closer look, or another word, a last walk, perhaps one more chance... And yes, as always, untold good-byes, or at best half-said ones. (If I were to believe in New Year's resolutions, that would be one!)

This has been a year of partings, come to think of it. Some that were obvious at the moment, others that became apparent a long time afterwards. It has also been a year of chance meetings, with old acquaintances. Sometimes old friends. And new faces that have left their mark.
Getting back to the moving, I guess to put it in perspective, I've actually managed to visit twelve different countries within the last twelve months :). Now the Americas are the only two inhabited continents I am yet to set foot on. If that sounds good, let me tell you, there are people I know, and obviously feel very jealous of, who've managed all 6 already! One day, I keep telling myself, one day :). But then there's the flip side of that.

The good thing, I suppose, is that in the midst of all that, I've somehow managed to find the time to travel more of my own accord than I have before. Of course it helped that there seemed to be company available. I don't know if I have mentioned this, but I absolutely cannot travel all on my own. When the travelling is not merely the act of getting from point A to point B, that is, as a matter of necessity.
But there's always been that sense of losing myself. Dissolving into the white noise, or background, or whatever you want to call it. I guess what I am looking for are defining moments. And everywhere I look, I come up short :-<. Maybe it's just the frame of mind I find myself in. More likely is the fact that I'm just not looking in the right directions... there's always that :)). And more often than not for good reason too...

I suppose it's easier while on the boat to suspend the present and look back. It's better that way anyway. No? Everyday I get a little more used to it, and find it scary. But a little less scarier than yesterday. Is that better or worse? I don't know. What I do know, is that it has been a good year, no matter what it feels like right now :). And I couldn't ask for more for the next. Even at as much, I might be pushing my luck :D.
Happy New Year! :)

Currently: seeking the refuge of silent memories
Listening to: Dixie Chicks - Easy silence

PS. I'm quite surprised at how many people I know who are sailing some ocean or other right at this moment!! But I guess I shouldn't be, not any more.