Monday, 2 June 2008

No surprises

Figment of imagination alert. Don't believe any of this, it's all lies :|.

I seem to always catch bits of Sex and the City on TV these days. Of course it doesn't help that this seems to be back-to-back episodes week. And on Sunday there was a six hour marathon. That's half the waking day!! /:) So I'll be flicking through the channels and end up stuck on Sarah Jessica Parker's obnoxious face for about five minutes. Then an incredible urge to throw up would cause me to switch again.

But I must say there's something to the narrative style. It's insanely detached! Kinda' like the voice in my head these days. It tells me, very calmly, and more often than not in thorough detail, exactly what's wrong with my life. It just skips the whys :|.

There's gotto be something seriously off when you realise that you are almost waiting to get back to the boat and just get another quick five weeks out of the way! It just can't be right!! And what's even worse (as in the case scarily often with me)? The f***ing familiarity of it all :-<.

Six months! That was it. I was sitting at a table in HN over a rather nice lunch, describing how for the six months before that I'd watched my life slipping into this hypnotic spiral. I'd spend all my time being so pissed off the the fact that I wasn't doing enough with my life, that in the mean time I'd miss all real possibilities of actually doing anything any way!! And it's so difficult to live with downsized expectations all the time, you know?!

The really funny part was, the friend of mine I was postulating my highly philosophical theory to, pointed out that I should probably write this down. But by then I was out of it! I was having fun! Too busy enjoying the now to be bitching and moaning about everything under the sun. Even when I tried, I couldn't for the life of me remember what it was that I should have written down. But ah joy! It's all just rushing back to me now!! X-( It's bloody midnight!! And that's what it looks like outside. The sun still sets I suppose, technically, and rises, but there's no point to it. The evening twilight morphs into the morning twilight and that's it. No night. And as I said, it's not even properly summer yet.

It can't be real can it? A really horrifyingly elaborate version of ground hog day? Six months of bright happy day and six months of dark gloomy night? ... I'm definitely imagining things.

Right, so as I said, it's all lies. Except for the bit about daylight. The photo sort of gives that away.

Currently: insomniac
Listening to: Craig Armstrong - Gentle piece

PS: I hate Gattaca! I always forget the ending. And then, 10 minutes before the end, I'll remember. Without fail! And then get really really depressed :|. Every single time :-<.


Anu said...

I refuse to allow you to hate Gattaca :|

kray said...

it's hardly ever that simple, now is it?